This Version Exists

Much of what I do for my Creative Journey clients is give them a felt experience of something they didn’t know existed. Once we know it exists, we can set about shifting our lives so we can feel more of it.

Last night I went out dancing with some friends. I don’t like to drink alcohol so I brought a little Ketamine. I hadn’t ever gone out dancing with it. Mostly my experience was in coming down from MDMA, moving around my house, or spilling my guts to a friend. I thought that this was worth a shot.

The verdict is in … Ketamine is compatible with dancing in a club! I loved it. It quieted my evaluating mind - the inner critic. I hadn’t realized how distracted I usually am in evaluating everything - the quality of the venue, the DJ, the scene, the situation, the crowd, my own dancing. I am known as someone who is very uninhibited on the dance floor so feeling this difference was a surprise to me.

How much more joy I have the capacity for when I am not consumed with evaluating everything! When that voice went silent, I noticed what it felt like to not feel too old, too stiff, too awkward, too weird or too anything.

One of my most recent Anniversary Refresh clients had a heart-cracking open experience. It is very intense to learn in middle age that there is a way of feeling that has been off-limits to you for your entire life for some reason. You have somehow not been able to access this bliss, this connection that you have heard about. You almost didn’t believe it existed. But then it did for you. You could feel this and it would change your life. Every element of your life must adjust to reorient to this increased range of experience.

Now you know it exists. Now you can get there again.

Jodi Lomask photographed by Joseph Seif

The Machine

We each have a machine that is running our lives. We wake up. Most of us have a caffeine ritual. If we have children, we get them off to school and welcome them home again at some point. Maybe there is an exercise routine. Then, there is a work element. At work, several repetitive rituals render results or not.

Most of the effort goes into deciding what to add to our life machine. Once it is in place, it runs. Ideally, there is incremental progress toward goals built into this machine.

What are these goals? I want my children to be physically, emotionally, and creatively integrated. There is a piece of the machine that leads them to play music and dance and sing most nights. I don’t want to be overwhelmed by chores, and I want them to learn to become responsible adults. I am building a piece of the machine for them to make their beds each morning. My husband and I need to be connected and feel the love. Our time rolling around and talking is part of the machine. Lydia edits and posts my videos. She is part of my work machine. I need to let people know what I do and think so they can find me. I write this blog each week. It has become a part of my machine.

The psilocybin journey temporarily melts our connection to the machine of our lives. Then we come back to it and wonder if it is doing what we want it to. We notice that some parts of the machine only deliver anxiety. We see that some transitions are full of friction. We wonder if we want to add a piece that is just about being with our kids or vibing with nature.

This is a creative act.

We set out to adjust the machine so it renders the results we now know will deliver more life satisfaction, love, and contentment. We notice that we are the engineers of this machine and that changes are possible. We take time to observe it in action. We see its workings. We adjust it. We observe some more. We make another adjustment.

We have gone from the hamster to the designer.

** Let me be your collaborator on the living art project. www.creativejourney.us **

Transmission Line

I get very tired of trying to control my destiny. It is exhausting. Yes, I know I can actualize things if I set my mind and heart to it, but it isn’t free. It takes a lot out of me.

Sometimes I just need to chill. I don’t want to project into the future. I don’t want to push. I don’t want to make it happen. At times like these, I can put myself in a position where I might be a transmission line. This is the least effortful position that I can take. I can simply be in the spot where lightning might strike, and I might channel a lot of energy. It isn’t my own energy, so it doesn’t exhaust me. I just have to move it from here to there.

If I place myself on stage at a particular conference, maybe the messages I receive will be channeled to the crowd. If I place myself in a high-energy dance, maybe the force of nature will travel through my body and out to the audience. If I place my designs in the line of sight of collectors, buyers, or presenters, maybe the desire to show or purchase them will dawn on them.

Psychedelics help us recognize the force between and around things. The less it is about me, my, and my effort, the more effortless it all feels - like I am a transmission line channeling energy, inspiration, and excitement. Just like magic, things occur around me.

*Photo of Lindell Dixon and Jodi Lomask by Matt Haber

Ensemble Work

When performing ensemble work, you open your consciousness to the group. You consider it all. You time your contributions to the rhythm of the group. You feel how your part adds or detracts from the whole.

You see this awareness or lack in meetings. Those lacking in this sensitivity are the ones who burden the group with extended monologues and side trips that aren’t relevant to anyone else. They don’t have a sense of the timing as it relates to keeping the group's energy up.

This sensitivity costs real attention. Ayahuasca Ceremonies are often performed with twenty participants. I found this aspect hard. I felt that I needed to temper my reaction to the medicine based on how it affected the group. I wanted to go deeply within without concern for others but was unable to.

I have developed a small group ritual for five to ten participants. It is a daylong experience that I am calling Jodi’s Open Studio. It addresses the human spirit on many levels throughout the day. The ritual is ensemble work. As soon as it is no longer a duet between the traveler and me, it is an ensemble and requires an awareness of the whole.

Ensemble work costs you attention, but it gives you group momentum and a rich fabric of potential reflection. This tradeoff can be beneficial. Follow it up with a one-on-one duet in nature, and you have a comprehensive approach to transformation and revitalization.

Reach out if this sort of Ensemble Work is enticing you: creativejourney.us

* photo of Fabiana Santiago, Iva Dixson, Dacia Biletnikoff, Maddy Lawder, and Jodi Lomask by Eric Raeber

Jodi’s Creative Journey is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. https://jodilomask.substack.com/

Half Out Here, Half In There

I create from the liminal space between my conscious and subconscious mind
I help people work with themselves from this space.

Half In, Half Out

It makes it harder for me to understand the outer world.
I feel like I have a disability.
Some things simply don’t compute at all.

My grant writer finds this annoying.
I just don’t get it.
My marketing consultant realizes
she is dealing with a remedial case.

I am best half in, half out

Therefore I need allies on the outside
People to manage the pumps
Screw the tubes into the right sources
If I do it, I abandon what I am best at.
I leave the deep work and flounder on the surface.

I suck at it.

Gratitude to those who see my failings and offer help.

Photo of “Diving Into the Wreck” senior project at SUNY Purchase

The Beat of the Drum

Although it isn’t change and transformation, the beat of a drum isn’t bad. Repetition isn’t bad. 

Repetition allows us to progress without reinventing everything every day. Our habits are very powerful because we reinforce the neuronal bundling daily. But our repetitive tasks are not the creative moment. When we establish a pattern, that can be a creative moment, but the action on repeat is not - and thank goodness. It would be exhausting to have to be creative for every action we take throughout the day. It is the program we continue to run. You can even run a creative habit that helps you create by setting you up to connect with your muse regularly. 

When I am in the habit of writing blog posts, I think in blog posts. When I am in the habit of choreographing movement, I think in movement. When I am in the habit of designing sculptures and installations, I think in large shapes. We create the habit, the channel, the portal and then we tend to go through it.

It is a path in the forest between our conscious and subconscious mind. The more we traverse it, the easier it is to find.

Measuring Creativity

If tasked with measuring creativity, I would focus on the amount of transformation that occurs. Specifically, I’d examine how a person perceives themselves before and after an intervention. This would include changes not only in their external circumstances but also in their internal landscape.

Over 4-6 months, have the elements of their life shifted? Has their primary partner noticed any changes in them directly related to the intervention? These are the markers I would use to gauge creative growth.

Many people claim that psychedelics increase creativity. I believe the psilocybin mushroom makes us acutely aware of how much more beautiful nature is than our human constructs. They turn up the volume on nature. They draw us to nature’s way of organizing, processing, and creating beauty.

Perhaps the claim that psychedelics increase creativity stems from this reconnection with nature—arguably the ultimate artist and creator. When we align ourselves with nature, we tap into the ultimate creating force.

*Jodi Lomask and Zack Bernstein perform in ‘Digging in the Dark’

Crap Tasks

Unless you are one of the very few who don’t have to do the crappy parts of their creative projects, there are crap tasks. These are the tasks that you put off because you are in too good of a mood to ruin it with a lame, often repetitive job.

After my 50 birthday month, I was feeling a little crap. All my fun was over. Poor me! Great. Time to do those crap tasks I have been avoiding with all my more important, more satisfying, more pleasurable jobs.

I set out to empty one of my storage spaces. It was too expensive, too dirty, too dimly lit. It was not a job I was looking forward to. But I already felt a little crappy.

Every year I make a family photo album. It is truly a labor of love because no one wants to sift through a year of photos, choose the best ones, lay them out, write captions, etc. But I don’t trust my mind to remember the moments, so I do these things. Feeling crappy and not knowing what to do to push my many projects forward meaningfully, I decided to pair this rich crap feeling with a rich crap task. Four hours later, the first photo round is selected and the layout has begun.

Now I have something to feel good about. I’m a little lighter. I have gotten some weight of obligation off of my mind. I have gotten through some of the crap.

What special crap feeling can you pair with a rich crap task?

Invest in the Root

Rich soil of inner reflection
Nutrients of gentle quiet time
Compost of memories recorded 
Fertilizer of new experience.

Invest in the root

So you love whatever emerges - strong & vibrant

Maybe it is a sculpture
Maybe a movement vocabulary
Maybe an embodiment workshop
Maybe a one-on-one psychedelic journey
Maybe a group retreat
Maybe a dance film
Maybe a talk
Maybe a performance
Maybe a new invention
Maybe a new experience
Maybe a family holiday
Maybe a holiday party
Maybe a trip to a foreign country.

No matter what it is, if it emerges from 
that deeply connected robust root, 
The place where my muse narrates so clearly,
Where my pulse quickens in excitement,
Where the whispers reach me from the other side,

I will love it. 

There will be cause for celebration.

Ego Massage

My dear friend Andrew told me a riveting story of living in Asia and getting many massages. One day, the owner of the massage parlor had a special treatment in store for him. In a private room, four therapists descended on his limbs while the owner worked on his head. The entire time, she gave him what I call an ego massage. Gently repeating, “You are so handsome. You are so strong. You are magnificent.” He described his experience as a complete neural explosion. 

I organized a retreat for some of my closest friends this past weekend. The ritual I had planned was called ‘Ego Massage’ to help us all recover from the devasting political news of the week. We began with eight people massaging both the body and mind of one person at a time - moving as dancers around the table. We soon became less tethered to the table and my friend suggested she be my mobile ego massager for the rest of the weekend. Everyone followed suit and offered each other moments of powerful ego service.

We all struggle with our egos. They are heavy and confusing as they expand and contract, and they are sensitive to so many factors. I knew this ritual would feel good. But I didn’t realize how powerful this experience would be and how transformative the collective experience would become. The entire weekend was full of enormous highs. On some level, everyone seemed to fall in love with everyone.

The ego massage led to outrageous laughter and moments of deep life introspection as a dear friend reflected to me that even though things can feel like a lot of work and I have moments of doubts or that things feel like they aren’t moving fast enough, I am “that beautiful and creative, psychedelic spirit guide that the world so desperately needs right now.” His full body, mind, and spirit support encompassed me.

We were in the mushroom mind. Mushrooms elucidate how we are all connected to all living beings and the natural forces on Earth. They also allow us to step off the usual highways of mind and, with increased neural plasticity, make new neural connections. Using this special state of mind flexibility to introduce a powerful new experience of love, celebration, and confidence had lasting effects on the participants.

One of my friends reflected, “As someone who struggles with confidence and critical self-talk, I embraced this opportunity to absorb this positive message and welcomed any rewiring that may take place.  Maybe this is the "secure attachment" that I missed as a baby and child. That's often thought of as something that must occur in a window of development, and afterward, that window is shut. I think accepting this secure attachment later in life from this ritual can have a radical effect if I allow it to.  I feel different in my body this week, feeling that I am coming from this fully loved and accepted place. I notice a shift in interacting with others from a place of security. Collaborating with my boss yesterday, I noticed I had less of a nervous people-pleasing energy and instead embodied confidence and ease.”

We have so much power to effect change in our lives. We simply need to try things and see how they feel. What ritual can you enact to transform your personal, family, and professional life?

*photo of Capacitors Cari Delaplane, Oscar Trujillo, and Jodi Lomask by Christie Deng

Pretend Play to Save Your Soul

Money. What a dirty word.

Men are noble when they make money. It means that they are good providers. Women are selfish when they make money. It means that they want more than the pure satisfaction of giving.

Is this my idea or the idea in the water around me? Regardless, I seem to carry it.

So, leaning on my graphic skills from a past life, I made money with women on it. In the USA, this strangely doesn’t yet exist. I featured Harriet Tubman, who should already be on our money - the quintessential liberator; Amelia Earhart, who was bold and fearless; Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who dedicated her life to her principles and equality; and Amma, the archetypal nurturer. 

When we are left off of the currency itself, it can take a lot of work to believe that we deserve some of it.

When we use our artistic practice in our living art project, we employ the full force of our vision, will, creative problem-solving, and spirit in the pursuit of our goal. Plus we corner the limiting beliefs that may be holding us back - even if it is pervasive.

I, as a woman, can be nurturing, generous, kind, and get paid all at the same time.

Let me say that again. 

We, as people, can be nurturing, generous, and kind and get paid all at the same time.

Health requires resources. I feed my plants. I feed my cats. I feed my children. I feed my friends. I feed my audiences. I feed myself.

I take my pretend money and pretend to pay for things. I wonder what decisions would feel different with a pocket full of these woman dollars. I learn this from my children. It works for them. They pretend. They learn. They integrate the concept through practice. Pretend play - so important. 

In the psychedelic journey, we learn that most of what we believe to be true is a construct. If we become aware of what our construct is, we can adjust the construct, and this changes our lives.

In Creative Journey, I design art projects to assist the traveler before and after the journey. Through these movement, writing, or visual exercises and sometimes pretend play, we bring the full force of our imaginations to liberate ourselves.

What do you need to liberate yourself from? Is it truly your belief or a construct you’ve inherited?

Let’s design some pretend play and get past this shit!

Comfort

Comfort - we like it. I like it. I know how to judge myself if I stay in my comfort zone. But when I venture out - I feel very exposed. I am sharing my writing. Not my comfort zone. This makes me very uncomfortable. I might look completely foolish. Completely dumb. I have spent my life creating environments and expressive engagement which lacks words almost completely. Spelling it out - do I lose all the magic? All the depth? All the wisdom?

Maybe.

But I need to try new things if I want new results. I am trying out what it's like to share my creative process. I am trying out sharing my stories. Maybe it’ll suck. Well, I have sucked before. No big deal. 

But….might it be brilliant?

Trick of the Mind

This past weekend I performed a solo at my friend’s 40th birthday party. I shared a few words before the performance. I asked everyone to consider some challenge they were facing - a challenge they would like to overcome in the near future - a challenge that had them a bit stumped. We stood in silence for a moment while they considered. Then I asked them to project that challenge onto this motion sculpture and observe me attempting to overcome it. I said that the piece wasn’t about me. I was a conduit for their own liberation.

After the performance, a man in the audience reflected on how generous this was. I said it is a trick of the mind. It made it much easier for me to do my best in the performance. Egos are heavy and confusing. They are constantly in a state of expansion or contraction. Not only that, they are complicated. They can tie your mind up in knots and use up your brain space. Egos can make you shy and unable to fully go for it. By offering myself and my artwork up as a tool for the audience’s liberation, I was able to clear my mind of ego pursuits and complications and give the performance my all. I didn’t hold back for fear of being too vulnerable, too intense, or too anything. It wasn’t about me anyway.

I let him know that giving it away was the most selfish thing I could do. I enjoy performing the most when I provide a technically flawless performance and am in my moment the entire time. If I am ahead of my moment - thinking about what is to come - or in my past - thinking about what I just did - I don’t feel as transcendent. Being a conduit sets me up for transcendence.

I wonder what other areas of my life I can apply this trick of the mind?

The Alchemy of Our Artwork

Artists are alchemists. Wizards. They take whatever experiences and resources they have and transform them into something that has greater value and meaning. The Artist should be judged on their ability to transform the material of their lives… not the material itself. 

For example, there is a lot that I have no control over. I don’t have control over where I was born, who I was born to, or what my background is. I don’t have control over my innate physical abilities. I don’t have control over many of my circumstances. 

I do have control over what I do with these elements. This is why great art is so inspiring. We see the artist take the material of experience and circumstance and transform it into something brave, powerful, crazy, surprising, or meticulous. We are inspired not by who they were born to but by what they did with what they were given. 

I remember walking up the dirt path of my home in the Connecticut woods as a child. I thought, “One day, I will not be known as someone who had it all but as someone who did much with what she had been given.” I don’t know where this thought came from or what it was in response to. It seemed to come from my future self - an echo in reverse. It was an outline of an approach…one I never forgot.

Instead of wishing for every advantage, I wished to use whatever was at my disposal to make something extraordinary.

I want to remind our community that the artist has a real role to play - to show us the magic of transformation. Run your experience through your special process of alchemy and inspire us with your ability to turn the lead of your circumstances into the gold of your brilliance.

Getting Strong Again

In 2008, after making motion sculptures and choreographies for other performers for years, I decided to make a piece for myself. I needed it. I had been going through a rough breakup. I had spent a year crying and obsessively wondering why it had to end. I needed to cast a spell. I needed real witchcraft.

I was at Djerassi Artist Colony in Woodside. After getting frustrated with my inability to draw my new motion sculpture ideas, I began bending wire to make moquettes. It was a breakthrough. I was able to conceive of much more complex sculptures this way.

This is how I made my first Perfect Flower sculpture. It was a shape that was fucking itself, as it were, abstractly. This was what I was aspiring to. I wanted to be so complete within myself that I could stop feeling like I needed this person who had ghosted me.

Scientists use the term Perfect Flower to describe a flower with both male and female reproductive structures. They can self-pollinate in a pinch. I wanted to feel that sort of inner strength and confidence.

The solo I created on the sculpture is physically very hard. Even at 34, I had to get strong to do it. It begins with a slow-motion pull-up that inverts into a dangle. Leading up to every performance of this solo, I had to add upper body strength to my usual dance shape. 

Recently, I offered this solo to a friend for his 40th birthday party. My kids watch me begin the process of getting strong again.  They see me not get through the solo the first few times. They see me commit to running it most days once, then twice, then three times a day. They hear me grunt. They see Paramvir (my husband) rubbing me out afterward. They know that I made a commitment and that I steadily work toward the goal, knowing it is hard - knowing it will hurt. 

They see me commit to getting strong again. They see me feel great once I have developed that strength - amazed that this process continues to work. They cheer me on even as it takes longer each time. Now as I am about to turn 50, I place these engagements in my path so I can recommit to myself - recommit to getting strong again.

I hope this grit rubs off on them.

Don’t Listen to Me

Most self-help gurus can offer techniques as to how to achieve your goals. This is excellent for learning. I ingest their media, information, and wisdom all of the time. I don’t know everything, so I listen and learn.

But no person can tell you what is a worthy goal. You alone can do that. Mushrooms will help you hear yourself - your deeper voice. Mushrooms will make certain pursuits seem ridiculous. They will poke holes in all that is ego-driven and human-constructed. It only cares about Nature’s way.

As a guide, I try to get out of the way. I try to get everything out of the way of my traveler’s path to their muse. It isn’t about me - ever. The Taoists understood - “Run like Water, Reflect like a mirror, Respond like an echo.”

Don’t listen to me. Listen to yourself. The mushroom will amplify.

Shitty Little Drawings Realized

Shitty Little Drawings

I was giving an artist talk before my twenty-year retrospective performance at Yerba Buena Theater. The sponsors of the Transform Festival for which my show was a part listened respectfully as I told the story of my shitty little drawings. I handed them out and let them see how bad they looked. I am sure some of them were wondering why Yerba Buena Center for the Arts had decided to present such a bad artist.

After the show, as I had hoped, one of the couples from my artist talk came up to me and said, “Oh my God, you are a genius. When you gave your talk earlier and showed your drawings, I really couldn’t imagine where you were going with these drawings. And then, there on stage, we saw them - sculptures in steel, fiberglass, and ropes, costumes, everything. It is amazing what they turned into.” And I replied, “I know…isn’t it crazy how that works?”

I am not a perfectionist. I don’t believe everything I touch is gold. I believe in sketching. I rough it out. I make what I call shitty little drawings of my sculpture, costume, and choreographic ideas. I even make shitty little drawings about how I want to guide individual psychedelic clients.

My shitty little drawings are not meant to be viewed. They are thinking tools. They allow me to imagine something that has not yet transpired. They open the channels to my deeper wisdom and solve problems before they arise. I imagine what it would feel like to be in right relation to projects, people, and events.

I call them shitty little drawings because I want the bar to entry to be that low. I don’t want to be hung up for a second on trying to make something beautiful in that moment. I just want to get the idea out. If it is a good idea, I will make twenty more drawings and then hire professionals to draft the idea for me and do scaled 3D renderings.

My job is to hear the whispers, listen to the muse, and do what it says. This service attitude is helpful. It is humble. It allows me to do without triggering the ego’s protection which might stand in my way for fear I might make something ugly. ‘Look, I already said it was shitty and little. There is nothing for you to protect, Ego. Now let’s get to it!’

Shrink It

Some conflicts feel intractable. These can get me stuck in a thought loop. As someone who loves solving problems, I’ve learned that when no clear solution emerges, the best move is to shrink the problem. Let me explain.

When I was premiering ‘Okeanos’, I partnered with a trendy organization for preshow talks. In our initial meeting, the producer said she would purchase 300 of our tickets for $30 each on Friday night and we would provide a free venue for her event. We shook hands and I thought it was done. I was naive because the next time we spoke about the details, she stated she would only pay $25 per ticket. My entire production budget had been built around selling those tickets for $30, so this change presented a major problem. Without a formal contract, I had no leverage. To make matters worse, she claimed I had agreed to rent specialty equipment for her event, something I had never agreed to.

At first, I spent a lot of time stewing over the unfairness, thinking about karma, bad energy, and how she was a deceitful person hiding behind her supposed love of the arts. But ultimately, I realized that this kind of thinking wasn’t going to get me anywhere.

I made a wish for myself. I wished for the Saturday night show and collaboration to be so successful, it would shrink the power of her 300 tickets. For this night, I collaborated with one of my science advisors Dr Tierney Thys and National Geographic. Thys lined up such an impressive roster of pre-show speakers including a NASA astronaut, celebrity chef Barton Seaver, and her Deepness Dr Sylvia Earle that we sold 600 tickets for that night. The sheer celebratory positivity of the second night fully dwarfed the darkness of the Friday production.

When I am stuck in a situation where I can’t find the solution, sometimes I think it is better not to win. Maybe the better answer is to focus elsewhere and shrink that negative situation by comparison. This approach is projective rather than reflective. I put my powerful brain-actualizing machine on where I want to go. I imagine a future so bright that this shitty past situation is shrunk in comparison. It goes from being massively oppressive and laden with powerlessness to something small, twisted, and irrelevant. It also gives me something to push against as I reach toward something fun, satisfying, beautiful, and empowering. I run toward the world rather than being trampled by my past.

Perspective is powerful. Psychedelics offer new perspectives by breaking you out of your neural habits and desynchronizing areas of the brain that are usually tethered. Let’s shrink that shit and run toward your big bright future!

Saturday Night Curtain Call for Okeanos at Fort Mason, SF - Photo by Guillaume Desachy

If you or someone you know is stuck in a fruitless thought loop, reach out. We might be able to help. journey@jodilomask.com

Call Your Spirit Back 2

Last night I was speaking with my ten-year-old son as he fell asleep. During the day he had spun out, as he does, on doing something perfectly. I had critiqued his work and he freaked out. I let him know that I was only delivering the next lesson. He had done well and now I wanted to help him take it to the next level. This is triggering for him as he is an anxious child and worries about trying new things.

I told him that when he feels himself spinning out on something, getting off-kilter, he needs to call his spirit back into his body. If he does this, he will become calm again.

This is true for everyone. When we get upset, spun out, stressed, etc. it is because our spirits have left the body and are wreaking havoc in our minds. Call your spirit back.

Before you solve anything. Before you handle anything. Call your spirit back, so your actions are powerful rather than desperate.

If you don’t know what I am talking about, this is good information. Psychedelics can help you find your spirit.

If someone you know is spinning out and having trouble managing anxiety, we may be able to help. Visit creativejourney.us.