Turning in the Intersection

I was at an event this past weekend. I was in a jungle room with eight of my dearest friends. I was on a traditional psychedelic.

The DJ was playing deep music that was opening up layers of colors and patterns. I was experiencing synesthesia. I felt very spiritual. When I closed my eyes, my spirit was inhabiting a paradise of color and shape. I didn’t want to interact or be touched. It was perfection in my mind.

Then I would open my eyes and see all the friends I love so much. I could feel the pull to connect and love them. I was a beating heart. That was my role. As I gently rotated on the dance floor with my wrists facing the ceiling, in a pose of giving, lifeblood. I was a beating heart in love for my friends, my kids, my clients, my sculptures, my businesses, my students, my audiences, my home, my partner, my readers.

Was this loving enough? Maybe it was. Was it really that simple?

But in this unusual state of being, I wanted to keep all the bliss to myself and would then close my eyes again. I wanted to stop providing and entertaining - for now.

Then I would look around the room with a visual hunger. I wanted more colors, more movement, more delicious sparkling, intriguing shapes. I wanted to roam. In order to do this, I would have to break from the loving hum of togetherness. I felt that there was no way to travel together - to keep the group together and explore. I may have been wrong. I was very high.

I took my buddy and set out. I broke with the ensemble and fell into the abyss of indecision. Where should we go? There was so much.

My visual hunger took over. I only wanted beauty. I only wanted delight. I only wanted warmth - spatial warmth - spaces that felt fully contained. Not leaking their energy out of the door.

The evening seemed to leave me at the intersection between communal love, solo spiritual bliss, and visual hunger.

Maybe I need to go to the woods with my partner and cut out some distractions. Give myself a spiritual journey. Maybe I need to commit to flow and bookend my social evenings with deep communal love.

Optimal psychedelic engagement takes design and strategy. If you really want to go as high as you can - be as free as you can be, as with anything worth doing in life, there is technique.