This is Suffering. Remember This.

I have been addicted to caffeine since college. According to Michael Pollan in “This is Your Mind on Plants,” around 90% of all people globally use caffeine regularly, making it the most common psychoactive drug worldwide.

Usually, my addiction isn’t a problem. At home, I make a pot of tea each morning and share it with my husband. I love this ritual. We drink tea, read, relax, and decide how we will approach the day.

When I travel, cross time zones, and am not in a predictable environment, this addition is a problem. If I don’t get my tea at my usual time, I get pounding headaches. But who wants to drink a bunch of caffeine at nine at night when you are trying to adjust to a new time zone, just so you don’t wake up with a pounding headache a few hours later? This is a real problem. It makes it harder for me to adjust. The first few days in a new time zone can be painful.

Last night I was having a severe moment. I took a pill, and as I waited for it to kick in, I thought, ‘This is suffering. Remember this.’ I will use this memory of suffering to change my habit. I will titrate off caffeine. I will take it down to one cup of tea a day and then shift to green tea, then decaf, then only taking caffeine when I want to dance all night - treating it as the drug it is.

Maybe your suffering isn’t wrong. Perhaps your suffering is valid and deserves to be heard, remembered, and responded to.

There have been many studies on psychedelic therapy and addiction. For now, I'll just say, when you are suffering, notice it, listen, and take action.