I created The Perfect Flower solo to free myself from the tendency to play small. I grew up under - under five other children, some of whom were barely children by the time I came along. It wasn’t an environment in which the youngest was spoiled. I was put down - used to make others feel bigger and more important. It set me up with a particular vantage point. I assumed I was the underdog. I was the underdog. Everything felt above me - on top of me.
A combination of psychedelic-induced mental flexibility and the ritual of art making allowed me to change this deeply ingrained habit.
Through designing, choreographing, and performing this piece, I was able to go from below to above. In the piece, I don’t make it the first time. I have to try many things until I finally get above the thing.
The result is that I stopped putting everyone and everything above me. I can tell that this change occurred because when I go back to the house and land where I grew up, I can feel the distance. That is where I am expected to be under. When I return to California, I feel the lift. I’m no longer stuck under a pile of chairs.
Of course, it is not all that simple. The land I come from is a place I resonate with deeply. Being around my mom will always make me feel good within myself. But the combination of psychedelic ritual and creative process has liberated me - and continues to liberate me, over and over again - from both obvious and obscure limitations.
Jodi Lomask performs The Perfect Flower at the Cowell Theater, SF, on her sculpture to music by Noah Thorp and Kristina Forester.